Courtship matters because it determines the success or failure you experience in marriage. So, you must be intentional about what you want, and once you see the red flag, do not reconsider. Just flee.
The above is always the advice given to the singles or those courting by concerned individuals.
My dear singles, the truth is that no matter how intentional you are during your courtship, your marriage will fail if your mind is focused on what you want in your to-be spouse.
Many marriages in shambles today are a product of ‘the intentional looking out for what they want.’
They were driven into the marriage by what they wanted, only to get to the destination of marriage and discover their needs. At that moment of realisation, they wish they could turn back the hands of the clock, but it’s late. The regrets in their hearts yield to frustration/depression in the marriage.
So they become journalists giving negative information about this beautiful institution formed by The Almighty God.
Dear Singles, marriage is a beautiful institution.
Have you ever purchased or done something and later regretted why you bought the said thing? Sometimes the regret is simply because you realise that you can do without it.
God is a purposeful God, and when He formed this institution, He created it with a purpose in mind because He saw the need for companionship and a helper.
In the same way, never go into marriage without the need and your purpose for existing. Your wants and your needs are different.
Needs are something you must have for survival, growth, and peace of mind because they are essential, while wants are something you can do without because they are not necessary, although having them is also good.
A man once said that whenever he’s ready for marriage, he will go for a light-skinned lady.
Some ladies accepted the proposal of their now husbands because he’s doctors, prosperous businessmen, pastors, an engineer, etc.
All these are wants because they’re not the essentials in marriage.
Dear Singles, your wants are beautiful but please, marriage is far above and deeper than complexion, status, height, physique, eloquence in speech, wealth, etc., and if in your needs there lie your wants, then thanks are to God for the complete package.
Don’t ever think because you’re patient then; God will bring a patient spouse like you. Most times, if not all times, you will never get a patient spouse like you.
This marriage institution designed by God is not for one party to benefit alone but for both.
So if you’re patient and the spouse you want to commit to isn’t, then that’s not your need but your spouse’s need. There is definitely something(s) in your spouse you need in your life as a married woman/man.
Dear Singles, rather than intentionally discover your wants before committing to that marriage, please first intentionally discover your needs.
Having your needs met in marriage brings peace, satisfaction, and fulfillment, but having only your wants will, in the long run, lead to annoyance, frustration, and depression that, if not handled properly, can affect your health permanently.
In discovering your needs, do not compare your needs with another’s because your needs differ.
I must end this by telling you that your first need must be God. He created you and whosoever your spouse will be.
Most importantly, He knows all the road maps in marriage because it is His institution. Be open to God, and He will be open to you.
Marriage is a beautiful institution. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.