God!! Do you still know me by name at all? I muttered as I walked down the street in the cozy evening. I was in a docile state but it seemed even the air never cared about my existence. Everything was in the past and nothing seemed real anymore. I felt like I was floating in the air. Where are You God, please where are You? I said as tears rolled down my cheeks
Where is the God who took me by the hand as we had our daily evening walk? Now I am just walking alone. Sobs. He used to be closer than my next footstep. He used to talk me into sleep unlike now when the terrors of the dark surround me and rip my heart in fear. He never lets a tear drop from my eye but now, as the crying clouds so my eyes pour out heavily.
Where is the God who made me a dress to cover my nakedness? But now my shame is seen by all as I walk on the street. The God who smiled at me each time I gazed up, but now even the clouds frown at me. The God who gave me answers to all my questions but now is silent at me. The God who carried me in His loving arms, how did I ever jump out of such comfort?
It doesn’t fell like me anymore, oh God! This isn’t me. Sara, this is not you, go and find yourself again!
I used to hear him speak love, calmness, peace, comfort and joy to my soul, but now His voice is so mute and I so deaf to hear a thing. Could God have abandoned me now that I need him the most? But he warned me severally and I was adamant countless times. He kept pleading and I kept ignoring. I became familiar with His voice that it felt usual to hear him.
The God I knew who made me relevant in His sight and that of men. Little wonder He kept ringing it that He is no respecter of persons.
The feeling I had watching those pornographic contents seemed like ‘pleasure’ until I lost the actual pleasure of His presence. It wasn’t the first, second or third time. I’d always fallen back to Him in tears and cried for mercy. He never failed to take me back and smile at me again.
What is different about this time?
Genesis 6:3a “He will not continually strive with man”. I see!
The moment His Spirit came to aid me, His voice spoke a number of times but I was hardened at heart and wouldn’t listen. That moment He gently left and we became strangers.
My heart is broken! It didn’t end there, at that instant when His voice ceased, another strange voice told me there was no point confessing again and I believed. From that point, sin began to thrive.
You may find yourself in Sara’s situation but know these few things:
• Sin thrives a lot in secrecy.
• God doesn’t have a permanent friend, you’re not indispensable but disposable.
• God will not keep striving with you.
• You don’t know the value of what you have until the moment you lose it.
• The pleasure of having God’s Spirit in you cannot be compared to any other ‘pleasure’.
• Don’t listen to that strange, unrecognized voice.
• Satan wouldn’t stop until he destroys that beautiful relationship you have with God.
• The God you know today, you can still know forever.
Strive to know God and to maintain a working relationship with him.
• The pleasure of having God’s Spirit in you cannot be compared to any other ‘pleasure’.
• Don’t listen to that strange, unrecognized voice.
• Satan wouldn’t stop until he destroys that beautiful relationship you have with God.
• The God you know today, you can still know forever.
Strive to know God and to maintain a working relationship with him.
