It is common knowledge that one of the wreckers of marriages and relationships is THIRD PARTY. The third party in this reference is any person not part of the marriage. These third parties can be family, friends, or close associates.
Certain aspects of your marriage shouldn’t be disclosed to third parties, nor do you give them the power to dictate what happens in the relationship. We have learned repeatedly not to involve anyone in our marriages, with exceptions for the threat to life and security.
It is expected that we are grown enough to make our decisions in the marriage and deal with the consequences of it, which in turn builds and strengthens the bond between couples; Going through the good and bad times of life together strengthens the bond.
Sometimes, some homes fail and shatter even though one has kept the above principle, and you wonder why. Have you considered that third party that doesn’t exist? I am talking about that imaginary person you expect your partner to fit into.
Before you got married, you had this image of who you wanted your spouse to be and the expectations they have to live up to.
Yeah, most tend to have that, no doubt, but it becomes problematic when you bring this imaginary person alive into your marriage. And how do we do that?
- By placing very high expectations on them concerning trivial things and trying to change them to fit into that persona, you have created for them.
- Constantly comparing them to this fantasy person and sometimes even to their hearing. You say, “the husband/wife of my dreams is someone who is like this or that, but you are the opposite.”
- Never appreciative, but rather putting off an action that they don’t meet your standard.
These days, the issue is getting out of hand because of the influence of social media and the ability it has given people to portray a fake reality. This has reprogrammed our generation, rewriting our new normal and expectations. You then place expectations that only exist in your imagination on your partner, putting them under undue pressure.
Understand that while you must be cautious about the third parties you can see, you must be equally or even more careful about those you can’t see—those imaginary third parties.
This is because while you and your partner have a chance to deal with those you see, they have no way of dealing with the imaginary being you are comparing them with. They have no idea what the standard of comparison is, nor do they even know its existence. That makes it more frustrating to deal with.
Everyone was created with uniqueness; embracing that uniqueness makes life colorful. Forcing your spouse to fit into your description will only produce a fake and plastic spouse for you. Trust me; even if that were to be the case, you will still not be satisfied because there is no end to the world of imagination; you will only be feeding your lust until the relationship shatters before your eyes.
Our partners are meant to be our completion, not our tools to get what we want.
Your duty is to love, support, nurture and most importantly, pray for your spouse. You can bring out the best in your partner without having to force your change on them. Changing self is left for the person to do.